Snot, Sweat, and Tears

Thursday makes Day 6.

...and it Sucked amidst improvements.

Today, Drew and I hit the slopes at a bit of a slow start this morning but I was totally Miss. Gung-ho... confident and ready to go... until I actually got off the lift and started snowboarding. For some reason, I wasn't feeling it.

I hit up High Meadows, the same slope I've been riding since Christmas, and fell twice amidst other crappy attempts at turning. "What is wrong with me?" I kept rolling over and over in my head.

After our "warm-up" run (a.k.a. psych yourself out run) Drew pulled me towards Saddleback, a blue square run. I could feel my heart pounding with fear as we went up
up
up
up

definitely higher than high meadows. Definitely. Blue squares are harder than green circles. Fucking shapes and colors.

I was scared like I was when I was five and I lost my mom at Disney World. I felt nauseous in the way a wide-eyed claustrophobic feels sick in a tight elevator. I was conciously taking count of my breath with hopes of distracting myself with numbers rather than destructive cyclical thoughts. I was scared and nervous about NOT knowing what was to come. To be honest, I probably would not have gotten on the lift had Drew not been there.

We did two runs, the second better than the first (isnt it always?), though it was steeper in certain sections than I could handle. I did a lot of sliding on heelside amidst a few turns on the flatter parts. "I'm going too FAST!" I would think to myself, cringing, and immediately revert back to the ow-my-calves-hurt heelside mode. The burn of working my calves is preferable to injury induced pain, so I kept on sliding.

We made it to the base of the run and I wanted to go home. I just wasnt feeling it. I wasnt performing like I wanted to and it was taking its toll on my confidence. Drew had to stop every few feet and I felt bad, knowing he just wanted to keep riding. I told him to go ahead but he swore he came here with me to ride with me. He tried to encourage me but it didnt make any difference. I didnt want to hear it. I felt bad but I really didnt want to go up again.

It was a weird mood to be in on such an ideal day. There was noone on the slopes really, and it was snowing, sorta. Visibility was prime and there were rather short lift lines. I dont know why it was such a big deal at the time, but I needed a few moments to regroup. I am glad Drew stuck around to pull me through my slump but I can say without an inkling of doubt that I was not the most fun person to be around for a while there. We ended up taking a trail down to the base of the mountain, in lieu of the gondola, which, admittedly, was nice, and called it a day. I guess you can't rock and feel awesome everyday you go out there, especially while youre still learning. practicing. whatever.

To add to the mess of foul emotions, I lost my phone somewhere on the mountain. I dont really care about the phone but about all of the number Ive lost with its disappearance. Its gonna take forever to get them all back. Sucky Sucky. Maybe someone will find it. Until then, its troubleshooting time...and time for work.