happy birthday barbie

the pretty dolls seem broken to me
fragments of reality dressed in lacy clothes
that make many lust for them.
seldom advertised is what lies underneath
the tired joints, aching limbs, and
smiles fake but fabulous.

what are we teaching our future, our girls, our women?
"the world is okay, girls. forget the war.
heres a doll, dollface."
the special packaging screams, "we manufactured them just for you,"
as an inspiration perhaps?
using a formula that cannot be duplicated
like coca-cola
and too like the infamous carbonated sugar water
the pretty dolls tell lies.

in order to be cooler
smarter
prettier
wanted
you must follow my lead.
my designers have supplied me with this formula
that works. (how many times have we heard this before?)

so while little boys shoot guns and play golf
shaping their precious bodies and minds with sticks and balls
little girls fondle the pretty dolls, confused
dolls that dont age, learn, or die.
little girls, permanently enrolled in a program
perpetuated by magazines and movies
that claims to provide answers and alternatives
to questions that little girls are supposed to have...

supposed to have?

these questions are subtle, but devised
by the devious.
the pretty dolls have the answers
to questions that are manipulative and heartbreaking,
questions that only breed insecurities and paranoia
in our future, our girls, our women.
when we trip and fall
scraping our supposed to be shaven knees
the pretty dolls stand stiff, looking down
they cannot lend a hand
as we age and die, the pretty dolls
sit right where we last rendezvous'd
alone
so broken, so lost.
dolling out answers to questions I never asked her.

happy birthday barbie.
"youre one heck of a woman, dollface."

washington or vermont?

i have found the perfect master's program for me, its now just making it happen: deciding when i would want to enroll.

Goddard College - MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts

as it explains on the website (i have made bold and italicized the points that sold me):

The low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts is a five semester, 60 credit terminal degree program designed to facilitate students in articulating an original vision, refining expressive and technical skills, and experimenting in new directions. The low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts welcome all art practices, especially those that advance a collective understanding of what art is and what art can be. The program also welcomes practices that are not traditionally part of the Western art tradition. Students and faculty in the low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts Program form a vibrant community of artists in an egalitarian, cooperative, and inquiring learning environment.

The focus of the low residency MFA program is holistic, encouraging students to become the kind of artist they want to be, without trying to socialize them into any preconception of what an artist should be or should do. Students design their individual program of study based on their own interests and professional goals, with one-on-one mentoring from faculty advisors who are also working artists. The low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts Program is one of the few interdisciplinary arts programs in the world committed to reaching across the visual, conceptual and performing arts. Studies in the low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts program take into equal consideration all aspects related to art practices, including emotional, procedural, cultural, political, philosophical, and spiritual dimensions, as well as questions of the artist’s role in community and society.

Work of the Program

The low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts program combines the energizing and enriching potential of intense community and peer learning, with the freedom and flexibility of distance education through an eight day residency and a fifteen week semester of independent study. This format is ideal for artists who wish to attend graduate school without suspending their professional and personal commitments.

The focus of the low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts program is on providing the conditions for each individual artist to clarify their intentions and develop their own unique voice. Each student works one-on-one with faculty advisors to design their individual program of studies based on their own interests, their personal learning style, and their aspirations as professional artists. Students begin by designing an individualized study plan tailored to their specific goals for the program. At the beginning of each of the five semesters, students meet with their faculty advisor during the week-long residency to define the work they will pursue during the semester.

Each semester’s combination of creative and critical work is carried out in the student’s home community and supported by one-on-one mentoring by a faculty advisor. In addition to the goals of their individual study plans, low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts students complete a community-based practicum and produce a final portfolio synthesizing and articulating their work in the program and their art practice.

The Faculty

Faculty advisors in the low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts program work one-on-one with their students to facilitate personal learning goals and the deepening of creative and critical skills. Through open and extended written dialogue, faculty advisors offer feedback, suggestions, affirmation and challenge. The on-going dialogue between student and faculty advisor supports and sustains students throughout their work in the program.

The low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts faculty are active in their fields, working as artists, community-builders, educators, writers, and thinkers. They bring a rich diversity of experience and philosophy to their role as advisors, mentors, and colleagues.

The Residency

Each semester in the low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts program begins with an eight-day residency for students and faculty. Students spend intensive time with their advisors, one-on-one and in small groups, discussing their creative practice and planning their semester’s work. A wide-ranging program of workshops and presentations is offered, exploring contemporary issues and fostering cross-fertilization between mediums and practices. Students of all disciplines have a variety of opportunities to present their current projects, works in progress, and hands-on experimentation. Residencies are a rich opportunity to develop a strong sense of community and establish lasting friendships and creative collaborations.

this might be my ticket to freedom, to expression, to making something out of talents that i just harbor. merely completing the application to this program would force me to spell out exactly what i want to do, what kind of community-based practicum would i want to establish? A community darkroom? a gallery for high school students? an art center? where would i want to do any of these things? back in NYC? do i stick around park city? do i head to another country?
the possibilities, as the seem, are endless. realizing this i am both scared and excited, as this program is intended to do...

the question is:

Students entering the low residency MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts Program choose one of the two following low-residency site options for the duration of their studies:

• The Plainfield, Vermont Residency Option on the campus of Goddard College in beautiful Central Vermont.
• The Port Townsend, Washington Residency Option at the Fort Worden site, located within a vibrant arts community on the Pacific Coast.

do i want to do this in WA or VT?

photo project confession

so i am a photographer with a confession.

i am thinking of getting a tattoo on my forehead which reads:

slacker seeking redemption

since my visitors came and left last weekend, i have managed to revert to my lazy schmuckery in terms of creative production.

CONFESSION: i took a picture this morning. it had been six days since i had contributed to my intense project.

WHERE HAS ALL THE SELF MOTIVATION GONE? down the crapper, thats where. on thursday, in a desperate attempt to redeem my slackerish tendencies, i finally developed my photo project from pinecrest (most of it at least). if i may quickly depart from my self-loathing, the photographs were absolutely breathtaking. beautiful. perfect. it turned out exactly as i had hoped - random, beautiful, candid, comprehensive, diverse, lovely. the project can be viewed here:

PINECREST PHOTO PROJECT

seen as which this project took me two days to complete (sorta) i am going to forgive myself for being such a slacker. i am just going to plug forward and keep snapping away. as much as the digital camera is convenient, the pictures always end up blurry or flat. i remember hating the delay of the shutter as well. i am so used to the picture being taken immediately, that the delay throws me off, hence the blurry. the depth problem wont get any better because frankly its a tiny lens. oh until the day i can afford a digi-SLR. sigh.

on one hand i want to have great photos, on the other, there is something motivating about posting pictures daily. there is something gratifying about seeing your work and if i just keep experimenting with my Diana, which takes 120 film, i will have to a) find time to develop the B+W ones on my own b) in the case of color rolls, i will need to find someone here in PC who will develop them, go down to salt lake, or send them away to B&H or something. that means lots of money and time that i dont have right now... maybe in a couple of weeks. another great thing about having something instant is that i would be forced to keep up with posting them if i have them right NOW.

therefore, the solution that i have come up with takes inspiration from the pinecrest project and might help solve this motivational need for immediacy.

introduction and use of disposable cameras.

i never really think about using disposables because...well, i really dont know why. perhaps its because they remind me of middle school field trips or great adventure, but i am going to embrace that nostalgic hokiness and use them, or at least the two that are sitting in my apartment. they are lighter and more portable than my rangefinders or 35 mm, a little less awkward than my Diana, and they take better pictures than the digi. perhaps i will be inspired to get them developed faster (negatives and then CD cost about $5 a roll and hey, rite aid dude didnt do a bad job...) and being able to get some more instant gratification or at least availability for critique, i would be more motivated in the long run...

or maybe not.
but hey it cant hurt.

Rachel Maddow and UTAH

last night drew and i were doing as we do and watching msnbc when rachel maddow (my hero) talked about utah! "we are in a hopping place," drew said.

enjoy

visitors with lovely faces

allison and kaytee just arrived back in NYC according to the text message that made my phone vibrate with lonesome reckoning. god i miss them. they flew in to SLC on friday and have already gone. good times were had, even though I worked for most of the time that they were in town.

friday was main street day. they accompanied me to work, with drew, and brought food to the gallery from clockwork. mmm dinner. yes, kaytee had very inexpensive chicken fingers from davanzas. (<$6?) they took the car and dropped drew off at work, only to come and get me a few hours later. such gracious guests. we raced to the liquor store to get some rum (Oh Mr. Sparrow, where has all the rum gone?) and wine before they closed for the night and then home we went to drink it all up. crazy day, lazy night.

saturday was their sleep in day, while drew took an early (before 8am?) leave to ride PCMR (i ride park city...hahaha no i dont) with RWest friends and I worked gallery until 1. drew met me on main street and we drove home to pick up the twins and we headed back downtown to cafe terigo where we had a 45 minute meal before we drove drew to work. then back downtown to Fawn where I worked until 9. i gave kaytee and allison my PCfilm series pass and they managed to catch a screening of cadillac records at the PClibrary where i met them after work. then we went home and made tofu stirfry, ate lots, and hung out watching and gossiping randomn things. i also taught allison how to knit while watching the second half of snl. ("what is the rock in now?")

sunday was fawn for me and olympic park seeing for the twins. drew had work also. they took pictures which i am sure you will be able to find on your favorite networking website in a few hours. (kaytee, youre predictably awesome at chronicling adventures). work ended early enough to go to SLC and eat food of the gods at cafe trio and view the disney castle wannabe that is the LDS temple. basically we made an evening out of being awesome, unfortunately losing an hour of sleep to fascism, or so i am told. boo to less sleep.

monday was our official SNOW DAY for which we headed to the canyons (jon and kate plus four times two) where we hit the fresh pow to celebrate the elevated desert craziness that is utah snow. will met up with us and we rocked it hard... or hit it hard... or fell down hard. to each their own embodiment of hard, to be relieved by advil or alcohol. also your choice. we closed the mountain and headed home, where we paid homage to mr. michael cera with a double feature viewing - nick and norahs infinite playlist followed shortly by superbad. msnbc monopolized post cera celebration.

tuesday sucks too much to write about right now. it involved the following elements:
waking up early
driving to an airport
saying goodbye to lovely faces
driving home sleepy
getting stuck in traffic
getting home late
showering all too quickly
driving to work
working
and thinking about lovely faces.

so ive been thinking about getting an mfa in interdisciplinary arts

i already forget what it was like to learn -
reading books as a chore. no, not this time, its for fun...huh?
how about we keep going to school to learn
and then maybe by the time were done with learning
people will want to hire us.

in the mean time
keep making it up as i go along in lieu of checking my schedule.
(why do i still keep a daily planner? lets scribble in commitments after the fact.)

"I just gave up** a while ago, I think it was while I was living in BK. I think," he said to me the other day.

**"Giving up" in the living in the day to day sort of way, not in the lets develop a drug habit and drop off the face of the planet sort of way...

and even though i try to live day to day sort of way
i find that i cannot remember what i wore five days ago.
i cannot remember where i was more than four consecutive fourth of july's ago.
i know that i will probably eat something tonight
but it will be as insignificant as my best friend's HS prom dress, which, was purple and pretty.

some not great photos of one of the places I work...plus some of my work

Sorry these photos are blurry, the inane photographer in me wasnt trying so hard...
these are some photos of the shop where i work and some of the work that i show there, that hasnt sold yet.

enjoy.

the rest of the day was like a hallucination

reminded that i have visitors in only a few days, i sprang from my bed before 10am as fresh as a spring chicken and as lame as a stepford wife to begin to put our apartment back together...
quiet
quiet
quietly
drews still sleeping.

i proceeded to make myself some tea and started asking myself questions that i would then answer, such as:

would the vacuum wake him up?
yes.

should i vacuum anyway?
no. thats mean.

what do you want to eat?
toast, probably.

why does this toast taste so bad?
i dont know. you should probably throw it out.

this went on for a few hours intermittent with tiptoe cleaning until drew finally got up/i attacked his cocooned self.

HOWEVER, i finally collapsed the pullout bed/couch that we have had out since my sister's visit, did two loads of laundry and a dishwasher cycle, collected garbage, swept the floor, and cleaned the living room. woop woop normal apartment.

to catch those of you following the daily photo project up...
27 feb - diana - double exposure - interior/drew at turntable
28 feb - diana - triple exposure - at the gallery/Palumbo horse sculpture
1 mar - digital - fur shop shots (3)
2 mar - digital - fawn/jewelry display shots
3 mar - diana - low light shot from top of parking structure

digital photos to come.

im twenty-two and find myself still attracted to tie dye

About a week ago, i anticipated this crazy couple of days (in terms of scheduling). Ive been working both jobs back to back daily since my last day off (tues) and drew had to work an early morning shift take a couple hours off and then go back to trudge through the dreaded twilight hours shift (11pm-7am), back just in time to snuggle for a couple of hours before i had to go to work at 11am. this basically meant that drew and i would pass each other in bed about four times in a 24 hour period, and though we live together and hang all of the time, the past couple of days have seemed so hectic. honestly, i cant wait for march to come and go.

btw, happy march 1st...

though i intend to get in a couple of snowboarding days in before the season is over, the chances of snow are fewer and further between. cross your fingers, visitors. today is fourty fucking degrees, a disgusting trend that is only scheduled to worsen. its supposed to reach almost fifty degrees tomorrow with rain and a whole bunch of nasty to happen before a few snow showers that are scheduled towards the end of the week - something to look forward to in addition to the arrival of allison and kaytee, yay.

see the nasty for yourself

in the coffeeshop this morning, i over heard a conversation taking place between two women in fur coats (yes, this is a frequent sighting on main street where we have four fur shops maybe?)

"X" marks the fur spot

they were talking about how they felt really old seeing all of these young girls walking and working on main street. they wished for their figures back so that they could wear bellyshirts? (really, ladies, that is what you reckon your younger years for?) they were recalling how much fun they had in "the sixties" wearing tie dye. then came the remark that truly offended me (almost as much as the five-hundred dead rabbits or whatever corpseless furry friend they were donning),

"...but Lynn, you know those young girls that wear tie dye now-a-days?"

"yes..."

"they are so out of touch with the true meaning... they wear it and think, "look im a hippie!" its the tragic downfall of true tie dye wearing folks we used to hang around with."

"i agree, plus tie dye isnt fashionable anymore, so wearing it isn't making much more of a statement than "i'm immature"..."

HAHAHAHAHA. FUCKING FOR REAL? lets list the problems that i have with this exchange...

1. first off, youre wearing fur. and not just any fur, tacky molting fur. its ugly. and tasteless. wanna know why? cause youre wearing it from head to toe. its almost fifty fucking degrees out and you decided to put the entire band of dead woodland forest creatures on your fat saggy body. not only do you lose all fashion contests, you lose all of your rights to judge what people are wearing.
   
2. secondly, you speak of a "true meaning". if you were a philosopher in disguise maybe i would respect your use of this phrase, but frankly, your leathery skin juxtaposed next to little bunny foo foo distracts me too much to even begin to believe that you understood the true meaning of tie dye while you wore it.
   
3. thirdly, though dying cloth can be traced back to the egyptians... im sorry to burst your bubble but your tie dye also proclaimed, "look at me.... IM A DAMN HIPPIE." if im wrong, please let me know what "the folks you used to hang around with" were really thinking. it was a statement of individualism, radicalism, whatever. a generation that broke from the former... and frankly by the time you were wearing tie dye, it was probably in fashion magazines and on television and on every other self-proclaimed suburban hippie. i think its time to shake off the ahistorical nostalgia and give yourself a reality check. you werent revolutionary, you were pretty much the same as anyone who wears it today, if not more cliche.
4. Remember Lynn...your ugly coat has removed any right for you to use fashionable in a sentence.
5. Finally, since when has maturity been linked with fur... Let me rephrase that. I'm letting my prejudices get in the way. Since when has IMMATURITY been linked with tie-dye? I mean i am sure it is viewed that way by people who supported Vietnam, Eric Cartman, and the likes, but if you proudly wore it fourty years ago, when your boobs werent as saggy, then what suddenly makes it immature. Not that im the most mature twenty-two year old, but I like to think that when I wear tie-dye, I am not only harkening back to the Egyptians, but also recalling anything associated with anti-corporatism, celebrations of individualism, and absolutely as many cliche anti-warisms as possible.
   

Dear Lynn and friend,

please let me take you shopping, with your personal credit cards, of course. Let me show you the world of age appropriate, sustainable, non-fur clothing. Afterwards, we can go out to dinner, on you, of course, and we can talk about tie-dye because I was slightly confused and offended by your private conversation that you held right behind me. I think i can help change your mind about your choice of outerwear and if not, then, i will leave you alone. if you find this offer to "hang" a bit intrusive, arrogant, or unsolicited, i understand. i am pretty anti-fur and pro-tie-dye, so yeah. call me a product of liberalism or a tie-dye loving drain on society, but i pay my taxes and love my bunny so i have the same right to hate your fur and be offended by your comments as you would have the right to feel nostalgic about tie-dye belly shirts...if you hadnt decided to wear roger and the trix rabbit out for your main street stroll this morning.

Love, Monica

As a result of this encounter, today's daily photo is constituted of a series of shots of the fur shops on main street. LOVE IT.

"it was inevitable"

::imagining life without google image::
what a sad image searchless world we would be a part of.

yesterday marks day one of photo project.
because i know youre just itching to know how it went i will delay details and tell you a story

last night we lost our power in kimball junction due to a stinky power tower (dont ask me what it is exactly) on Parleys Summit that caught fire. i got a phone call from the power company to ask Summit County residents to reduce power usage due to this incident.

like the conscious citizen that I am, I disregarded the message and went on working fawn. the lights dimmed every so often, but nothing worthy of my or anyone else's concern on main street...

about two hours later i get a phone call from drew who apparently was sitting in our dark apartment, previously listening to a new record, running the dishwasher and a few other items dependent upon an electric current. thinking he finally blew a fuse, he peeked outside only to see that the lights were out in every window and on every street corner. even the outlet mall was sans-illumination; he commented on the prominence of headlights on confused drivers' cars. he was calling to see if we had power on main street. i put rocky mountain power's and his phone call together and filled him in... my poor lover aloof in shadow. how sad. end of story.

the photograph i decided to take was after we got home

by that time the power had been restored for a full 17 minutes.

reveling in its return, drew uncovered his turntable to replace the needle from where it had been prior to the blackout. i thought this was really humorous, considering the fact that in the car we were scheming as to what an electricity-less evening was going to come to.

the fact of the matter is that we are frighteningly reliant on electricity - taking it for granted with every switch that we fondle. on. off. the moment we are without we are confused, angry, bored, absent. time goes by so slowly because we have no way of recording it. "i should get candles for the gallery just in case it happens to effect main street..." my boss pondered today after i told her about last night.

yes...troubleshooting a blackout can be fun in certain instances, but as soon as the power returns, though it makes sense to conserve, we instead have an inclination to indulge as if to say, "its been so long since we've last rendevous'd" or as though you just moved back to NYC from Park City, UT and you ordered a whole 22" pizza that you intend to finish off all by yourself. its absurd, but it happens...

thus the inspiration and theme for this photo. i double exposed a pair of angles of drew at the turntable. i used my Diana F+ that i got for christmas. i was recently inspired to perfect double exposures and the diana is great for that. check out random google image search finds for examples of inspiration. mmm soft focus.

so thats that. i have yet to be inspired to take today's photograph, mainly because ive been so busy at work(s). speaking of which...

a photo a day keeps the doctor away

while recently fretting... i found two items that stood above the rest:
-the frustration with myself and my motivation (or lackthereof) to take photographs or be otherwise creative on a daily basis

and

-the probability of no health insurance for a while

I came up with a new personal saying to simultaneously clear away my uncreative cobwebs and comfort the prospects of ailing sans-coverage:

a photo a day keeps the doctor away

i figure that if i can convince myself that taking at least one photo a day - be it digital, well composed, entirely random, hasty, or medium format - will keep me in good health, I am not only providing myself with a preemptive, proactive, homemade remedy to ebb my concerns for my lack of health insurance, but am also resolving, or should i say reviving (to stay in line with the health theme), my stale artistic flame, and ultimately expanding my portfolio while out here adventuring in the middle of UT.

i have created a manifesto for this daily photo diary project in order to keep myself in line. if one is to be successful as an artist, there is a severe need for discipline, especially for someone so good at making up excuses and procrastinating as myself.

PHOTO DIARY PROJECT manifesto: b. 27-02-2009;
BASIC:
a) daily photo diary requires, but is not limited to, one photo a day.

b) in the event that it is decided that daily photo diary will include more than one photo in one twenty-four period the following sub-guidelines must be followed:

1. the photos taken must constitute "a series". With the understanding that i will uphold a loose definition of what constitutes a "series", the "series" must either be:
   

i) linked in some self-constructed way. i.e. theme, subject matter, etc.
ii) of the same subject using a variety of apertures and shutter speeds in order to determine best settings for specific conditions. in this case, it is imperative that the aperture and shutter speed be recorded.

b) daily photo diary must involve recording aperture and shutter speed, as well as any other ideas, concepts, techniques, etc. employed in photo-taking process, in a newly constructed/purchased daily photo log as best to my ability. if this is truly an attempt at self-instruction, there must be a means to improvement. log to be reviewed in a few months to see if there is some sort of "progress" in terms of my ability to read the conditions and achieve desired effect.

c) daily photo diary must consciously tackle at least two new themes a month. to be recorded in daily photo log. (i.e. if consciously recorded,"randomness" qualifies as a theme)

1. I must complete and successfully incorporate research of ANY TOPIC, SUBJECT, IDEA into these themes. Inspirations to be posted on blog as well as recorded in log.
   

d) daily photo diary must involve at least three different cameras a month in order to diversify abilities (and possibly develop an inclination towards one in particular?)

e) daily photo diary as a whole must attempt to capture something important or pivotal about the day. this will serve as a means to link entire project under one theme. record meaning in log.

f) daily photo diary must be reviewed in terms of my attempt at being "conceptual" at least once a week. in turn, i must complete one non-photo creative project a week that relates (somehow) to the photos taken over the past week. Complexity is entirely dependent on resources available.

DETAILS:
f) daily photo diary will end at an undetermined date. dependent upon "feeling of completion". definition of "feeling of completion" is totally personal and entirely subjective. (feel free to grab coffee and call on a willing friend to help figure/talk this one out.)

g) it is encouraged, but not required, to develop/upload daily photo diary photographs to blog to keep progress public. in this way i am more likely to stick with it cause im a tool.

h) it is encouraged, but not required, to "fiddle" with photographs. "Fiddling" includes, but is not limited to, the use of digital or manual manipulation.

i) it is encouraged, but not required, to develop film at least once a month, depending on availability of funds. Means to develop should try to support a private/local business or be done by myself at Kimball Art Center. Attempt at least two developing sessions while still in UT.

DISCLAIMER:
j) in the event that i am unable to take a photograph, for whatever reason, i must substitute with a suitable artistic venture - i.e. sketch, painting, poem, etc. Limit to four times a month.

LONGTERM GOALS:

1. stay healthy. no health insurance = no doctors.
2. feel more creative.
3. improve manual and digital photography skills.
4. expand portfolio.
5. ultimately aid in creation and expansion of personal website.

Okay so i know what you are thinking. She's moved to Utah and gone crazy. I assure you, though the romanticized crazy that I just finished reading about in Burrough's Running with Scissors is quite appealing in the "lets paint the kitchen bright red" sort of way (and not in the "Im hungry, make me a toothpaste sandwich, I am god" sort of way) I am not crazy, just kinda bored. Strike that, really bored. Stuck. A new fun job, with creative outlets, has helped me inch closer to "salvation" but I am not there yet. So i decided to do this.

If you walked into our apartment you would find that it is littered with painting supplies, about eight cameras (if not more), jewelry-making supplies, etc. There are about 10+ rolls of film in the fridge and 15+ tubes of paint in a box, just lying there... but I dont feel motivated, inspired. Atop this lack of inspiration, I no longer have classes, homework, or lots of people around all of the time to distract me or give me excuses for my lack of productivity. I work long hours most days, so theres that excuse, but I do have lots of down time where all i crave is un-sobriety, a few episodes of lost, or food...sometimes snow.

I have decided that is not healthy, not only for the potential I would like my "career" (whatever that word means) to possess, but also physically. This daily photo diary project is similar to this blog in that its another distraction and means of communication but its primarily a gutteral yelp from somewhere deep inside myself saying, "GET OUTSIDE MONICA! OR ELSE YOU WILL GET SICK AND YOU DONT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY WELL, FIT, ALERT! MAKE ART AND LIVE LONG!"

I have created a manifesto of sorts in a fashion truly compatible with that of Dmitri Martin or some other sick fiend obsessed or becoming obsessed with self-improvement, with challenging oneself. Coming up with this first version of the manifesto, I thought to myself, "what a good way to pass the time and simultaneously force myself to stick to something using guidelines I created, guidelines I am free to alter if they dont work out, guidelines that really arent guidelines at all." I figure that failure isnt only an un-option, its impossible because if i stick with it for only a month, or even a week, though it might be embarrassing...I can guarantee that I will have produced something worthwhile, something interesting, something worth laughing at. whatever.

that being said - the flexibility of the manifesto is contigent upon its most recent form. therefore i am not only accepting but encouraging your input. Revise, alter, add to the stipulations I have set for myself. Give me ridiculous independent daily goals. What do you think I can't do? What do you think of what Ive done? Make it harder for me, make it fun. Tell me that I need to include a bird in my next shot. Tell me i have to wear my camera all day and take a picture of the first person that talks to me about the camera. Tell me I have to take a picture with my eyes closed. I can make anything work and it will only be more interesting with more feedback. Inspire me. Critique every click of my shutter, every swatch of color, every brushstroke, every word. It is difficult to offend me.

OR > If you feel so inspired, join me! Adapt the manifesto, challenge yourself. take photos with me or change it so that you are breaking or making another habit for yourself. that way we can be ridiculous together, like people who try to lose weight together. only i will be healthier by means of ART.

On the subject of health, let me briefly justify the other half of this dual purpose mission. a photo a day WILL keep the doctor away. Im convinced. While the creation of art is therapeutic (even recognized by western medicine), I realize that it alone is not a proper substitute to health care. But what if it could be? Moreso, what if I could convince myself that by taking on this project I am making myself healthier and thus preventing future ailments. No health insurance? No worries. All falling-down-a-cliff, getting-impaled-by-a-javelin-thrown-by-a-crazed-olympian, freak accidents aside...I am attempting to knowingly convince myself that I will live longer if I do this. Perhaps?

who knows.
who cares?
because here it begins.
join,
scoff,
challenge,
laugh at/with,
or just watch me.

project commence.

jessie came and went

In a blur spanning four days or so, Jessie came to Utah. She left too soon.
It was fun to have a visitor.

She tried snowboarding and rocked it.
She came to work with me and worked retail for a couple of hours.
She came to work with me and sat bored to tears, a slow night at the gallery.
She came with many silly school assignments and left with less.
She tried on many denim jackets at the DI and it paid off.
She tried an antipasto appetizer and ate (most of) it.
She flew on a plane all by herself and survived to tell the tale.

Overall, it was a good, though all-too-brief, time together.

I cried when I left her at the airport because I started to think about how miss her all too often.

Countdown to arrival of next visitors: 10 days.

"New" Camera Digital and Valentines Day

Camera Test #1: Drew (self portrait with flower), Feb 2009

Hooray! Utah real-time photographs are now available through pcsnow.blogspot.com! Thanks to Miss. A. Luciano, I have a 7.1 megapixel Cannon Powershot SD500 to take photographs for my bloggy blog blog. Quite the photo-technical advancement considering my liking for the manual art. However, it should be made clear that the digital picture in my case serves only as a medium of communication, not a work of art. Frankly, this blog was not created to become revolutionary tool, as some blogs try to be or fear of becoming, instead this (now picture-friendly blog) is a means to let the people who know both about it (the blog) and me (mo Vee) know what is going on while I am adventuring in Utah.

Let us begin.

Above is the first picture taken while it was in our possession. In appropriate Valentine style, a undeniably awesome boyfriend Drew, wearing a tasteful amount of festive red, takes a self portrait holding a daisy that he purchased for me. He proceeded to take me out to a sushi dinner and bought me lovely things. Spoiled me for the evening, basically. While I am not one to demand spoiling, it was fun considering I had just finished a 11 hour work day. It was simultaneously lovely and delicious, a feast of raw fish that St. Valentine would be proud of. I got him a super awesome travel coffee mug complete with handle and cushy bottom. haha. cushy bottom.

Anyway, I think the photograph is worth sharing cause it allows me to flaunt my adorable boyfriend. hes mine and i love him and his tasteful amount of festive red. you wish you had a boyfriend that could achieve perfect tasteful amounts of festive colors. yay flaunting. haha. cushy bottom.

In other photographical adventure news, I took a few pictures on my way to work this morning to show you just how much snow we have. Enjoy. More to come, surely.

Camera Test #2: Running out the door, Feb 2009

Camera Test #3: Running out the door (thorugh a tunnel of snow), Feb 2009

Camera Test #4: Driving to work, Feb 2009

story: sixty injured horses

sixty injured horses came galloping down
towards the broken house, - black
shattered frames lay where the smart
sturdy once stood, quietly.

"I guess we will graze now," said Larkhorse
(he was silently appointed leader about five-hundred and thirty miles back)

And so they grazed, ashen blades.

It had burned through the foundation
thanks to a feverish fellow
forgetfully dozing without extinguishing.
A rancher once without bounds.
It is likely he is shackled to some hellfire resort.
It were the horses who were boundless now.

"This tastes sour," Gablehorse commented
cud spilling from his whisker face.
He was told to stop complaining
by the famished fifty-nine.

They grazed until they could graze no more,
not that there was much to begin with.
Sounding the signal of release the
sixty sped away, Larkhorse in the lead
while Gablehorse pulled up the rear.

Trails of their blood hidden amongst the
black. No green.
Trodden black remains smell of manure
and time lost.

Snot, Sweat, and Tears

Thursday makes Day 6.

...and it Sucked amidst improvements.

Today, Drew and I hit the slopes at a bit of a slow start this morning but I was totally Miss. Gung-ho... confident and ready to go... until I actually got off the lift and started snowboarding. For some reason, I wasn't feeling it.

I hit up High Meadows, the same slope I've been riding since Christmas, and fell twice amidst other crappy attempts at turning. "What is wrong with me?" I kept rolling over and over in my head.

After our "warm-up" run (a.k.a. psych yourself out run) Drew pulled me towards Saddleback, a blue square run. I could feel my heart pounding with fear as we went up
up
up
up

definitely higher than high meadows. Definitely. Blue squares are harder than green circles. Fucking shapes and colors.

I was scared like I was when I was five and I lost my mom at Disney World. I felt nauseous in the way a wide-eyed claustrophobic feels sick in a tight elevator. I was conciously taking count of my breath with hopes of distracting myself with numbers rather than destructive cyclical thoughts. I was scared and nervous about NOT knowing what was to come. To be honest, I probably would not have gotten on the lift had Drew not been there.

We did two runs, the second better than the first (isnt it always?), though it was steeper in certain sections than I could handle. I did a lot of sliding on heelside amidst a few turns on the flatter parts. "I'm going too FAST!" I would think to myself, cringing, and immediately revert back to the ow-my-calves-hurt heelside mode. The burn of working my calves is preferable to injury induced pain, so I kept on sliding.

We made it to the base of the run and I wanted to go home. I just wasnt feeling it. I wasnt performing like I wanted to and it was taking its toll on my confidence. Drew had to stop every few feet and I felt bad, knowing he just wanted to keep riding. I told him to go ahead but he swore he came here with me to ride with me. He tried to encourage me but it didnt make any difference. I didnt want to hear it. I felt bad but I really didnt want to go up again.

It was a weird mood to be in on such an ideal day. There was noone on the slopes really, and it was snowing, sorta. Visibility was prime and there were rather short lift lines. I dont know why it was such a big deal at the time, but I needed a few moments to regroup. I am glad Drew stuck around to pull me through my slump but I can say without an inkling of doubt that I was not the most fun person to be around for a while there. We ended up taking a trail down to the base of the mountain, in lieu of the gondola, which, admittedly, was nice, and called it a day. I guess you can't rock and feel awesome everyday you go out there, especially while youre still learning. practicing. whatever.

To add to the mess of foul emotions, I lost my phone somewhere on the mountain. I dont really care about the phone but about all of the number Ive lost with its disappearance. Its gonna take forever to get them all back. Sucky Sucky. Maybe someone will find it. Until then, its troubleshooting time...and time for work.